Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Dealing with your inner grump.
I’m not absolutely sure what causes it, In fact I’m not sure anyone knows with absolute certainty what the cause is.. Either you didn’t get a good nights sleep, or maybe you have a lumpy mattress, or maybe your wife or girlfriend has been naggi- … ummmm maybe you have a lumpy pillow. Maybe you sat up all night because you simply couldn’t sleep because you were worried about doing your taxes- Hmmmm.. that’s a definite possibility there. Whatever the reason or cause it seems as though some of us just can’t seem to avoid getting up on the wrong side of the bed. Well I hope your sitting down because this may come as a real shocker for some of you, as hard as it may be to believe, I must confess.. Even ol Scratch here has been known to wake up in a bit of a grumpy mood once in awhile. Yep its true. So here’s what I’m gonna for you. Just a few Scratch tips to help you cope with the morning grumpy’s.
Avoid all contact with other humanoids.
There's is nothing worse than waking up to a barrage of good mornings from other humanoids who seem just a little too cheerful for 6:00 AM. how in the hell do you know what kind of a morning is? it hasn't even started yet. or they give you that, "Soooo.. how did you sleep last night sweetie?" Hmmmm.. get right up in their face and stare at them. "How does it look like I slept?"
I could go on, but let me just end this segment by saying it is wise to leave me alone until I've had at least one full cup of my grumpy medicine.
Avoid answering the phone.
I would think this would just be a given.. anybody with a shred of common sense wouldn't be calling at such an ungodly hour in the first place. so if you should happen to answer the phone before you've ingested the proper amount of caffeine into your blood stream don't feel too bad about yelling at them, if they're dumb enough to call you that early they deserve whatever they get.
Avoid all contact with house apes who seem to have an over abundance of cheer.
You know what I mean.. don't pretend that you don't.. you wake up and first thing you notice is their staring at you with that innocent looking; "who? me?" Look on their face. general rule of thumb I would think would be is don't trust them anyways. anybody that friggin cheerful at 6:00 AM is up to no good anyways.. No Not until after I've had my coffee kid.
Its really simple here in the tomb.. all visitors- (when I have them that is) they know the rules as they are told them on arrival.. The day doesn't begin until after I've had at least one cup of coffee. all other things up until that point, do not- can not- and will not- now or ever exist! so if you want to make my grumpy's go away.. Just give me my damn coffee!