Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Some people think I’m paranoid. I tend to over examine things at the grocery store, I always run my tap water through a filter before I drink it. Not because I fear contamination but because the tap water here is nasty crap. During the summer I always put on the strongest sunblock I can find before I go on a bike ride to protect me from radiation poisoning. Some people might think I am overly cautious sometimes- but Paranoid? Nuh uh. I mean just because somebody follows me around every time I leave the house, and I hear voices coming from the traffic signals while I’m waiting for the light to change at an intersection, that doesn’t necessarily make me paranoid. Just because I was caught last week in the isle at Krogers reading the labels of everything I put in my cart, and they had to send someone to tell me that this wasn’t the library and to move along, that doesn’t make me paranoid. - By the way, if you happen to be in the Carson city Krogers anytime soon, don’t buy the Skippy’s extra crunchy peanut butter, its about to become outdated so it may taste a little funky.
Just because people that we can’t see are watching every move that we make every time we venture into the outside world that doesn’t make me paranoid. (By the way, the GPS in your cell phones are being monitored to track everywhere you go, and they’re listening to all of your dirty little conversations, so turn that puppy off and learn how to read a map. You know, just to be safe.) they watch us at the traffic lights, at the grocery store, at the library, and at the gas station. And public restrooms are looking mighty suspicious to me right about now. All of the evidence is out there, you just have to know what look for and learn twist it to fit your particular conspiracy theory.. Relax I’m just me being a smart ass here, even though strangely enough; there are people- (Some of whom I am personally acquainted with) that seem to find conspiracies every where they turn. Relax people, the government is going to do whatever they want to anyways whether you know about it or not so why worry yourself to death? ME? Paranoid? Naw.. By the way, has anybody noticed that someone seems to be trying to poison our food supply again with Salmonella? This cantaloupe tastes funny.
Recent Salmonella outbreaks:
Cantaloupe - Salmonella Panama
Alfalfa Sprouts - Salmonella I 4,,12:i:-
Shell Eggs - Salmonella Enteritidis
Cheesy Chicken Rice Frozen Entrée - Salmonella Chester
Frozen Mamey Fruit Pulp - Salmonella Typhi (Typhoid Fever)
Restaurant Chain A - Salmonella Hartford and Salmonella Baildon
Frozen Rodents - Salmonella I 4,,12:i:-
Alfalfa Sprouts - Salmonella Newport
Red and Black Pepper/Italian-Style Meats - Salmonella Montevideo
Water Frogs - Salmonella Typhimurium
Alfalfa Sprouts - Salmonella Saintpaul
Pistachios - Salmonella (multiple types)
Peanut Butter - Salmonella Typhimurium
Raw Produce - Salmonella Saintpaul
Malt-O-Meal Rice/Wheat Cereals - Salmonella Agona
Cantaloupes - Salmonella Litchfield
Banquet Pot Pies - Salmonella I 4,,12:i:-
Dry Pet Food - Salmonella Schwarzengrund
Veggie Booty - Salmonella Wandsworth
Peanut Butter - Salmonella Tennessee
Tomatoes - Salmonella Typhimurium
Monday, March 28, 2011
OK first of all I was never quite sure exactly what a bungee was or why anyone in their right mind would want to jump off of one but hey to each their own I guess. I mean I really don't know what possesses people to try some of the ridiculously stupid shit that they try but hey you know me right? I don't like to judge. so without further Higgly piggly- (Hmmm higgly Piggly? really Scratch? OK.. so I may have some editing to do later.) I mean really-If people want to jump off a bridge with a rubber band around their ankles, hey whatever puts the juices your pickle ace. I mean Really.. you know? suicide isn't a way out.. uh huh- ok. so anyways here are my safety tips.
Tip #1 - Make sure that you have a STRONG RUBBER BAND TIED TO YOUR ANKLE. if that puppy breaks your screwed.. I don't know if anyone has actually alerted the press yet, but human beings don't bounce well from high altitudes. (Just Sayin)
Tip #2 - Make sure you have your life insurance policy up to date and paid in full.
Tip #3 - Make sure you have someone standing by with the paramedics on speed dial.. you know, just in case you survive. I mean- you may actually hit a soft spot in the ground somewhere.. highly unlikely.. even more so improbable but you never know.
Tip #4 - this is the REALLY IMPORTANT ONE here folks so pay attention.. Make sure that your rubber band is shorter than the distance between whatever it is that your jumping from and the ground.. if your rubber band is too long the next sound you will hear will be a thud, right before your brain travels through your body and comes out through your ass… so remember kids think before you jump and be careful. oh and HAPPY JUMPING.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I’m not absolutely sure what causes it, In fact I’m not sure anyone knows with absolute certainty what the cause is.. Either you didn’t get a good nights sleep, or maybe you have a lumpy mattress, or maybe your wife or girlfriend has been naggi- … ummmm maybe you have a lumpy pillow. Maybe you sat up all night because you simply couldn’t sleep because you were worried about doing your taxes- Hmmmm.. that’s a definite possibility there. Whatever the reason or cause it seems as though some of us just can’t seem to avoid getting up on the wrong side of the bed. Well I hope your sitting down because this may come as a real shocker for some of you, as hard as it may be to believe, I must confess.. Even ol Scratch here has been known to wake up in a bit of a grumpy mood once in awhile. Yep its true. So here’s what I’m gonna for you. Just a few Scratch tips to help you cope with the morning grumpy’s.
Avoid all contact with other humanoids.
There's is nothing worse than waking up to a barrage of good mornings from other humanoids who seem just a little too cheerful for 6:00 AM. how in the hell do you know what kind of a morning is? it hasn't even started yet. or they give you that, "Soooo.. how did you sleep last night sweetie?" Hmmmm.. get right up in their face and stare at them. "How does it look like I slept?"
I could go on, but let me just end this segment by saying it is wise to leave me alone until I've had at least one full cup of my grumpy medicine.
Avoid answering the phone.
I would think this would just be a given.. anybody with a shred of common sense wouldn't be calling at such an ungodly hour in the first place. so if you should happen to answer the phone before you've ingested the proper amount of caffeine into your blood stream don't feel too bad about yelling at them, if they're dumb enough to call you that early they deserve whatever they get.
Avoid all contact with house apes who seem to have an over abundance of cheer.
You know what I mean.. don't pretend that you don't.. you wake up and first thing you notice is their staring at you with that innocent looking; "who? me?" Look on their face. general rule of thumb I would think would be is don't trust them anyways. anybody that friggin cheerful at 6:00 AM is up to no good anyways.. No Not until after I've had my coffee kid.
Its really simple here in the tomb.. all visitors- (when I have them that is) they know the rules as they are told them on arrival.. The day doesn't begin until after I've had at least one cup of coffee. all other things up until that point, do not- can not- and will not- now or ever exist! so if you want to make my grumpy's go away.. Just give me my damn coffee!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Follow Up Below.
Chuck and MO- Kinda hard to tell the difference.
I'm hearing that some of our blogstream Friends are having difficulties posting images to their blogs. below is a direct link to the help page on Blogger that deals with this.. hope it helps.
*Click on the words below.. they are the link.*
How do I post pictures?
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
I been through a few since I’ve been living in Nevada, but those were small tremors mostly. But I was in some pretty good shakers when I lived in California in the 70’s. one- when we lived in Los Angeles. Even that one though was small. You just don’t want to be in the big city when an earthquake strikes. it’s a weird, scary feeling to go through one. The first really good jolt that I was in; we lived on a farm in rural California. We used to be able to burn our trash back then and I had the misfortune of being beside a burning barrel. I don’t really remember much about before the quake or immediately following, But I do remember feeling these strange vibrations coming from the ground. I remember almost expecting a huge piece of farm equipment to come rolling by, and just seconds later, it felt like the whole earth was rising up under my feet. I fell, and then there was like a rumbling sound and then there was a whole lot of shakin goin on. We all got the living shit scared out of us, but nobody suffered any serious injuries. The garage was partially collapsed on one corner.
Moms dishes got thrown all over the kitchen floor and a couple of the out buildings shook pretty good, but we lived. I don’t know how long its lasted but it couldn’t have been more than ten or maybe fifteen seconds. Earthquakes- scary shit, not so much the little ones but those big bastards can be very brutal. As I watched the news this morning, the pictures from out of Japan were heartbreaking to say the least.. It wasn’t simply bad enough for them to have a quake to deal with- but the tsunami that followed it was equally devastating. I can’t even begin to imagine what those people are going through. But what I find equally disturbing is I’m hearing that The American Red Cross is warning people who want to give money for aid to watch out for scams. People who are saying that they work for charitable organizations, They con you into giving them money. so you donate thinking that you are helping the people of Japan, and what? they keep the money? Really? it’s a sad world we live in. People preying on your compassion for the victims, your emotions, your humanity, for what? A get rich quick scheme? Fucking scumbags.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Out of all of the gadgets that I've purchased in the past few years, including cell phones, Ipod's, Mp3 players of every sort imaginable- I even found an battery operated toe nail clipper in a little shop down on Curry street awhile back. (Relax- I said found, not bought.) But out of all of the gadgets I've purchased probably the most useful would be my oval slow cooker. you can just throw all of your ingredient's in the pot- (Depending on what your cooking) throw in some herbs and spices, turn that puppy down to low, and let the aroma torture you all day.. a little while ago I put in some Lemon, Pepper, and garlic chicken.. later I'll put a bag of boil in bag rice on the stove and voila! Bliss! it would figure that the first new post I've written in weeks on either echoes blog would have to be about food.