It Sounded Legit.

I just got off the phone with someone who claimed to be working for T Mobile. well, My home phone number is listed so I didn't find it too alarming, I just found it a little fishy, the line of questioning included do you own an iPhone? are you happy with your cell service? would you like to try T Mobile? and then when I stated that I wasn't interested the dude went into overdrive and started rattling off all of the features that this AMAZING WONDERFUL PHONE had to offer and all I had to do to get one was give them a legitimate credit card number. Uh-huh, now I was born at night- but it wasn't LAST NIGHT- I know T Mobile nor any other cell service provider has ever or will ever call me on the phone, but just to mess with him I let him go on for a bit before I started asking him the most ridiculous questions that I could think of. Shit like, so if this phone is so great will it do my vacuuming for me? Ummmmm What? Does it know how to run a Vacuum cleaner? Ummmm No. well then- can it make coffee for me in the mornings? Ummmm No. well- can it cook? can it mop my kitchen floor? Ummm no sir it's a phone! Sir you really need this phone, Ummm no- I already have a phone, YOU DO? No I'm fucking with you, we are actually having this conversation via mental telepathy. He finally figured out that he wasn't getting a credit card number from me so he hung up. and you know? I don't think he's going to call me back. I have this sneaky suspicion that the guy didn't really work for T Mobile either. I need a beer.

Crazy World (Part 2)

It never fails, I grab the grocery list make sure to devise the perfect plan, only get what I need, don't lollygag around the store or browse! don't maintain eye contact with people for more than two seconds! stay six foot apart! and it's then that I get halfway to the stairs with the bicycle that it really hits me.. Oh shit! Where's my mask??? Where's my rubber gloves?? Where's my hazmat suit?? they won't even let you in the stores here now unless you have a mask on, I get it, people are scared but at what point is it safe to say that  it's being overdone? I do it, out of courtesy for other people, we are living in crazy times, and every day I see people doing crazier and crazier shit, still, I keep my distance and hope for the best.  I swear if only through some miracle of fate if I do manage to survive thru the year 2020? I'm going to need some serious therapy. Like that was never a real possibility.