Sunday, February 23, 2014

Welcome to Strange.. Population Zero.. Or_ How I survived the Zombie Apocalypse.


Sometimes you know- you hear about really bad shit before it actually happens to you on the TV.  Like take for instance this whole situation that the world currently finds itself in- they’re calling it the real zombie apocalypse. some nit wit lab tech got infected by some stupid virus that some bio chemist had been working on for some fucked up government agency. He got out- went bonkers and bit somebody and infected them and it just kept spreading from there. Sure, Sure, it was a bit more complicated than that but that was the gist of it.

Next thing you know its all over the news, in every major city, riots, mass hysteria, people getting infected by the thousands. End of the line- Zombie apocalypse, front and center, live and in technicolor. Hell, even though I saw a lot of it on TV before everything went off the air I still either found myself not believing it or not caring about it. that is until it came to my neighborhood, I lived in Pleasant city on Primrose street. See- the first one I actually saw was what was looking a lot like my neighbor down the street, Fred Boxner. kinda tall, skinny, lanky, whatever, he always did walk a bit slow, never noticed the blood on his shirt or the drool dripping down his chin, he still had that same vacant look in his eyes that he always did though.

I remember it was just before breakfast on a Monday morning, the sun was out and there was a little chill in the air as I stepped out onto the porch. I sat my coffee cup down and watched ol Fred drag his sorry undead ass up the empty street, and then it struck me- I never liked that prick much anyways. Fred was the type to always have an angle on everything, the rotten bastard never ever bought his own shit, if you had something that he could use he would borrow it by hook or by crook and you would more than likely never see it again, and now that I was thinking about it- that prick still had my weed whacker and lawn mower that he’d borrowed from me over six weeks ago.

So here he came, lumbering down the street, and that’s about when I had my first epiphany.  If this really was the end if the line for the whole damn human race, and there really wasn’t anymore law and order to be had, I suppose that left me with the only option that I had left,  if ol Fred really was now a full fledged zombie I guess that left me with little choice in the matter but to go into survival mode. See- the problem most people have always had with me was what many of my neighbors considered an unhealthy appetite for automatic weapons. and I own a LOT of automatic weapons.  so I walk back into the house not panicking at all, I go into my special room and retrieve The S&W automatic 12 gauge shotgun and load a fresh clip into it before returning to the street to greet ol Fred.

So he’s still about halfway down the block when he first sees me, I can tell right away by looking into his beady little undead eyes that he was getting excited at the prospect of having a brain sandwich at my expense. So I step down onto the side walk and call out to him.                                                                                                                 
“Hey Fred? unless you’re coming down here to return my weed whacker and lawn mower you might want to take your scrawny- ugly slobbering undead ass in a different direction! this isn’t going to end well for you ol buddy”

“Gaaaaaaaaahhh... unnnngh.. Raaaaaawr!”

“Think it through Fred, you don’t want none of this.”

“Arrrrrrrgh... gnaaaaaaagh!”

“C’mon Fred... You know I have issues.”

So, ol Fred, yeah, he never was  the sharpest knife in the drawer. So I raise the barrel of the S&W And the first round the I fire off takes off his left leg. He drops to the ground still making those nasty gurgling noises. But I can tell the pain isn’t registering, he’s way too far gone. So I calmly walk up to him and take off his head with the very next shot. I look around and don’t see anybody else, and I also decide that I’m not waiting around either, so I go home and pack up the blazer with supplies and enough guns, and ammo along with a few other weapons that I had lying around & whatever food I had to last me awhile. I had a reserve gas tank installed on it awhile back in case of emergencies, the primary and the reserve were both full.

So I get it packed up and decide to head out for the country,  strange I don’t recall seeing much of anybody on the way out of town, I guess they were just faster then me to see the urgency of the situation and high tailed it out of there before the zombie horde arrived. so with an uncertain future ahead of me and one dead ex neighbor behind me, I head for the sunset.  My name is Jacob P. Callahan and this is my new life now here in the zombie apocalypse.. things are gonna get strange I suppose, even stranger than ever before, my name is Jacob- but you can call me Crash.

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