Saturday, April 16, 2011

Its all my computers fault.

You really don’t realize how truly tubby you’ve become until your walking down the front stairs in front of your apartment one morning, and some scrawny little jerk is standing there holding two flags giving you hand signals like you’re a circling blimp waiting for landing instructions. Although that isn’t exactly what happened to me, that’s what it felt like. And so my personal incident; which happened on Wednesday, (no we won’t discuss it ) prompted me to do a little investigating into some of my more recent life events. I really shouldn’t have been surprised I suppose; to learn that my computer is the culprit that is responsible for my recent weight gain. I always knew the little bastard spawn of Satan was out to get me but I never thought that it would stoop to the levels that it recently has.

See- here’s my logic. If I sit in front of the computer all day and do nothing but vegetate, you know, the normal computer activities, reading and writing and cruising the web, and I only get up to use the bathroom or to get snacks, sure my brain gets plenty of exercise, but the one big drawback is, my body gains weight like a Mofo. However in the past two days I find that whenever I push myself away from the computer and leave it alone to go out and get some exercise, I have lost 3- count em 3 lbs so far in the past 2 days. And in addition to my recent findings, I’ve concluded that if I eat more salads and less Twinkies and gut burgers all of the time, that helps me shed major poundage as well. So let me recap- when I sit in front of this computer all day- I gain weight.. And when I get up and go out to get some exercise, I lose weight.. See? Its all my computers fault.


  1. It sure is. Of course, we could have pushed away from it and gotten some exercize at any time, but we are chained to the darn thing by invisible, indestructible filament of some kind.

    And trust me, it's not just that it puts weight on us, it also has some sort of device designed to drain the strength of our muscles down to the point where we use so few calories sitting here that we gain twice as fast.

    That's MY story and I'm stickin' to it!

  2. Scratch,
    You'll be relieved to know that I am hard at work on an industrial strength keyboard and mouse, ones that can stand up to rigorous pounding and vicious movement. I hope that when combined with a recommended reading list of Tea Party blogs, the simple act of writing and posting replies to such inaities will provide users of keyboard and mouse the same amount of physical exertion as would running up and down a flight of stairs.

  3. Sherry:

    I knew that you of all people would completely understand.

  4. You have to EARN computer earning the right to eat a cookie. You have to exercise one hour for three hours of computer and a 300 cal. meal! of course, if you choose to STAND at your computer and do some stretching in between web sites then you can do 4 hours of computer and 500 calories for every hour of exercise. (just trying to help!)

  5. How about I just spend less time in front of the computer everyday and eat more salads? the exercise regimen I've been doing is working great so far.. since Saturday Morning I'm at -5 lbs