Saturday, July 6, 2013

Does there really need to be a law?

This just in, apparently I have somehow become way  cooler than I look.. Honestly- I had no idea. I mean, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, my pants fit, my shirts aren’t too loose or too tight, I listen to music that many would consider to be outdated.  I have no swagger, no hitch to my step and I don’t walk like there is something disgusting dribbling down my pants leg. but the most telling sign of all? I am a 54 year old caucasian male that usually tries to mind his own business. And yet- in spite of all of the obvious clues I still have these strange individuals who like to come up to me on the street and attempt some bizarre kind of Gangster/Rapper/thug life communication with me..

Him/it: “Yo Yo Yoooo.. Suuuuuup?”
Me: “Beg pardon?”
Him/it: “Suuuup?”
Me: “I’m sorry I don’t speak Klingon.”
Him/it: “Say what?”
Me: “Oh good.. delightful- so you do at least in part UNDERSTAND some form of English  then?”
Him/it: “Ummmmmm.. Yeah?”
Me: “Do you know that your pant’s are falling down?”
He/it looks down but doesn’t offer any verbal response.
Me: “Yeah dude, you might want to pull those puppies up.. there are girls around here and your undies are showing.”
He looks up at me and blinks repeatedly but still offer’s no verbal response.
Me: “Dude seriously pull your britches up before they become a trip hazzard..”

He rolls his eyes at me and skips away. forgive me, I’m not cool, I’m a 54 year old white guy whose mother taught him how to dress properly, and to behave like an adult when ever in public.  And in other news-  in Moultrie, GA the city leaders have banned sagging britches in the city limits, first time offenders will pay a $25 dollar fine along with possible community service. repeat offenders can receive as  much as a $400 fine. So at least when in Georgia?  better pull them britches up son, nobody wants to see your dirty under wear. Apparently there are a lot of uncool people living in the city of Moultrie GA as well.


  1. Scratch,
    I was told by a "brother" that the whole pants low thing started in prison and that is how the "bitches" wore their uniforms so that they were readily available. I seen it a lot in Indianpolis - Actually, I think it is an attitude statement - about like the ball caps on backwards.
    I know this - You don't do it on a military base.


  2. I think that there should be Wedgie-lantes who go around and forcefully pull up the pants and undies of any such offenders.

  3. I was getting new tires put on my truck and there was a young Urban Male filling up an older woman's car. His pants were saggin'; whether for a social statement or because he was working his tail off, I have no idea. After a few minutes, she walked over to him and jerked his pants up to his chest. I hope he had workman's comp, because she strangled his testicles in one quick snatch.
    My husband waved at a man walking down the street with his cellphone held to one ear, and his other hand holdin' his britches up. The guy threw up his pants-holdin' hand to return the wave, and his pants hit the ground. That almost cost us a new ride.

  4. I live just up the road from Moultrie, and most of us are un-cool.