Finding Sanity, In an Insane World.

It's hard to escape it sometimes, it's everywhere you look, to the left of center, to the right, in every direction. it's there, no matter where you try to shift your attention, It's staring you right in the face. The insanity that has become a part of our daily reality, you try to focus on something positive, but the more you try, the more it becomes less likely that you will somehow make sense of it all. It's everywhere you look, it's there to hit you in the face as soon as you step outside of your front door, and no matter how fast you walk, run or ride, it's inescapable.

The price of gasoline, the price of food, of housing, it feels like you can't breathe sometimes, when you begin to feel like everything that you thought you were in control of is starting to slip through your fingers and from your grasp, like you're clutching at sand. Stop, lean forward, rest your hands on your knee's and breathe in through your nose and out of your mouth, there that's it, now step back away from the lunacy, set the weight down, don't worry it'll still be there when you come back to it. There now, close your eyes, take a deep breath, good, open your eyes and take a good look around you, and don't forget to take stock of the situation, see for us? here in the trenches? it isn't about control, we never had it, for us? it's about weathering yet another storm. So, we're going to deal with it and hope, and maybe even pray, it's going to get better, because it has too.

The Order of The Light.

They had for years wandered in darkness, forever engulfed in it, it consumed them. Their dreams, their passions, their zest for life itself. Lost, they wandered, without ever knowing hope, nor dreaming dreams, lost they were, not only to their world, but to themselves. They sat huddled in small circles, speaking only in short shallow whispers, patiently waiting for the instrument of their own demise to show itself to them, and to devour each in its own way. Fear and doubt was the nightly feast, it was all that they knew, until from out of their darkness came a voice to them. It spoke of hopes and dreams, and life lived to be shared. The voice from out their darkness said something existed beyond the dark, something that they never dared whisper or even think about, the voice spoke to them of Light.

“I am Johan The Traveler, I have seen light, bright beyond belief, it lives in a place beyond the mountains, beyond the sea, far, far beyond all that you think you know of this place you walk. Follow my voice and I will help you not only find this light, but to live your lives in it. Come with me and dread not the despair of darkness, come with me to the light.”

“Foolish Boy. There is no light in this place. You speak of folly, for here there is only darkness and the death that waits in it.”

“No. you are wrong, you do not live in darkness, you exist in it. You wait for death here, where it lives, where it breeds. Come with me to the light, for only in that you will live.”

Many followed the voice of Johan the Traveler, even those who did not believe followed so they could prove him a liar. They followed Johan long into their endless night, through raging storms of snow, rain and ice, and always when they thought it too difficult to continue on their journey Johan was there to encourage them. Until they began to see the glow, beyond the mountains, beyond the sea, beyond all that they thought they knew. There. Right there. In the distance burned a brilliant hue of the brightest gold, for there burning in the distance, they saw a Light. Though some were amazed that such a beautiful sight could possibly exist, still the doubters doubted. They plotted throughout the remainder of the journey against Johan, they spoke secretly of peril, and murder. And when opportunity showed itself, they stabbed him and fled, back into the darkness from which they came, and Johan’s followers spoke to him for the very last time they were frightened to go back into the endless night.

“Johan, what must we do our friend? If you are to die, we will not find the light without you, our dreams are for nothing.”

Johan sat up and drew a strong breath as he spoke to them calmly while the life slowly slipped from his body.

“My friends. Why did you follow me for so long?”

“We do not know Johan.”

“Yes you do my friends. You followed me because you dared to believe that somewhere there lived more than darkness, you believed that you could dream and have more life than ever before. You followed a dream, because you believed in it. You still must believe, or the light will die.”

Now frightened at the thought of the only light dying, they gathered closer to their friend Johan. He looked up at them.

“My Friends, there is no mysterious light beyond the mountains or sea that you seek, the light that guides you, the only light that you need lives in your hopes and dreams, let it guide you, let it feed you, let yourselves believe, for as long as there are hopes and dreams, there is light, you must now leave and go forth. Go forth, my friends. Live in the light.”

~Scratch A.B.T. Copyright © 2006~

I Had Coffee and Biscuits with My Friend The Crow This Morning.

 

My friend the crow visited me again this morning, I woke up around 6:30 and wiped the crusty's out of my eyes and washed my face and went to the kitchen for some coffee, it wasn't terribly cold, so I grabbed a chair and small table and put them outside my front bay window and   came back inside for my coffee, and had odd hunger for a couple of left over biscuits that I made a couple of nights ago. I grabbed my notes for a new UFO story outline that I've been wanting to work on. 

when I sat down and opened the folder, I heard a commotion above me. He landed on the handrailing next to the table and immediately began squawking at me, considering his width and over all size I'm guessing that it is a male, and judging from his size this boy is huge. It seemed to be the same crow that I'd had several conversations with last year, same head markings, the same off color feathers on its chest, okay, so here comes the part that I didn't expect. 

We were talking away, and I noticed that he was looking at my biscuits, So ever so slowly I broke off a piece and set it by his feet and he actually ate it. So we sat there and talked over coffee and biscuits, well, mostly he talked, and I listened, I'm not sure exactly what he was saying, but he seemed to really be into it, so I just let him go with it. Finally, after some time passed, he got his fill of the biscuits and flew away.  I left a few large crumbs on the railing and came back inside. I've always contended that crows possess a high level of intelligence, and they know who and what they can trust. I love Crow's they're so beautiful. that was probably the best breakfast I've had in a very long time.

Facebook is Dead To Me

 

Back in the early fall of 2011 I used to write on a blog site called Blogstream, it was my home away from home on the internet, like most other websites however it was not without its problems. There were small pockets of cliques, and there was some in fighting, but for the most part people got along fairly well, slowly but surely in late October I began to notice a decline in interest, by then Myspace and began its decline and Facebook seemed like the place to be. By the middle of 2012 Blogstream's home page had become a mixture of actual users and ad blogs, and before September, Blogstream announced that it was shutting down. I moved most of my writing here, mostly to archive it, to get it on the web, I still write here but not like I used to. The traffic here, much like Blogstream is drying up, Facebook to me seems to be a social media anomaly, it is starting to feel like the only reason it is still here is because it's too stubborn to die. and now I have to ask, how much longer does Facebook have? for me, it's already too late, the payoff isn't worth the effort, I think I'm just bored with it, and the only reason I keep it open is I have a few family members and friends there that I like to keep track of how they are doing, otherwise it's literally useless to me. Instagram and Threads that's where I spend most of my time now, my occasional attempts to kickstart my Echoes blog is spotty, but I need to spend more time here and less time spent on wondering if Facebook is dead or dying, I just can't bring myself to care anymore, websites are like places you used to visit, places that you visit less and less in your lifetime, until they eventually fade into memory. Echoes to me is like visiting an old friend, as soon as I open the page I know that I'm home. Maybe it's just a comfort thing, social media in general is still a very strange thing to me, what's here today may last through tomorrow, but beyond that it will only last until something shiny and new comes along to peak people's interest, there always going to be the next big thing, hiding just out of sight, around the next corner, and people will blindly chase after it, like hounds to a fox.

~Scratch A.B.T. Copyright © 2025~

The View From Under the Bridge... (Through the Lens of a Former Success Story.. A Work Of Fiction.)

 

It's another cold rainy day here on the outer fringes of what most people call paradise, I choose to use the word “most” with the utmost care and consideration in the regard that not all people would define this particular part of space and time as paradise. Oh, I suppose things could be worse, I am alive if one could call it that, existing rather than living, I have a coat to keep me warm on cold nights, and the company of other human beings who in ways warm me with the generosity of their companionship when others would rather repel from view at the mere sight of what I have become. I am after all still widely regarded as human by most people who know me, in spite of what others may think. My name is Walt, I am 54 years old as of last December, I am not an animal, I am homeless, and I am not alone.

Homeless. It is strange, when you stop to think about it, what is home really? Where you are at any given moment? Or a specific structure or place? Or somewhere you keep all of your worldly possessions? Where you build your life brick by brick, raise your family, and store all of your most precious memories, your child’s first step, their first fall. or how good it feels to sleep in your own bed. I have such memories, as do most that live here under this bridge. Although I don’t remember exactly how I ended up here, I do recall having a life once, a job, wife, son, a daughter, and yes, it seems to me that I do remember sleeping in my own bed, now though, I can barely remember that last time that I've had a bath. I was corporate, I wasn't the CEO of a major company, but I was in sales, I made really good money, then one day they took it all away, I feel it was just because they could. I lost the job, I heard all of their bullshit excuses, but it was economics they said, then at the first sign of trouble, the wife left with the kids and then the bank took the house.

So there you have it and here I be. I am indeed now homeless, but at least I’m in good company. See that fellow over there? That’s Oscar, he’s 29, he worked as a car salesman, well you can probably guess how that turned out. He’s here with us now. There’s Flo, over there, she used to be a waitress I think, There’s big Mike, there’s Bobby, there’s Sully and Doris. The list goes on and on. They all have a story or two that they could tell, but most prefer to keep them to themselves. Here, they are my friends and family now, the only ones that I know, we live here together, sleep here, breathe here, and when we can, eat here. We do not judge each other, nor look at each other with great disdain at our own unclean appearance. 

When life here affords us the opportunity we build a fire in a barrel, and sit around and regale each other with stories reflecting lives that we are no longer a part of, we share memories, tell stories, some real, others merely implied, We talk about our hopes and fears, we compare scars, and in spite of all that we lost we still dare to dream of something better. We hope and pray to the very same god that others more fortunate than us do. For we too are human. Well the sun is setting, and the rain appears to have stopped for now at least, and Big Mike has some fuel for the evenings fire, so we’ll sit around it and try to stay warm and dry, and some will sleep tonight, while others will keep a wary eye open for the police, or an unfriendly stranger that comes calling looking for someone to prey upon. So now I’ll put my back to the wall, and pull up my collar, and light my last cigarette. Tomorrow will be another day, another day in paradise here under the bridge.

~Scratch A.B.T. copyright© 2009~

Howling In The Night.

I have a vivid memory from my youth that I revisit from time to time, and it never fails to bring a smile to my face. I don’t recall the exact time frame in question, but I think that I was around ten or eleven My step-brother and I were left home alone, (or so we thought) to fend for ourselves for the night. But unknown to us, my mom had left instructions with my older brother that he was supposed to keep an eye on us. Information that he neglected to share with us. (No Doubt on purpose.) seems as though he and one of his friends were outside waiting to hatch a scare plot on my step-brother and I. they waited until dark and slowly moved around the outside of the house making loud thumping noises, no doubt trying to scare us. Unknown to them, we were sitting on the sofa watching an old Frankenstein movie, and we were too involved in the intricate plot works to even notice.

My step-brother didn’t like the dark much, in fact he hated it with a passion, which made us exact opposites, it didn’t bother me in the least to go out with a baseball bat and patrol the area for varmint, but you couldn’t get him past the porch light. Knowing this, I think they were counting on us to be crying little babies at the thought of something being outside the window trying to get in at us. So, it was about an hour or so into the movie when Michael first heard the thumping noises coming from outside. At first, we were a little put off, that is until we caught them in the act. We saw Isley Blackwell, (The accomplice) hiding in the bushes outside the living room window, and it didn’t take a couple of eleven years olds long to figure out what was going on. So we hatched a plan of our own, knowing that my mother was the only one that had a key to any door in the house, we locked down everything including the windows and doors and wouldn’t let them back in.

Living in the country, we had a lot of Coyotes. My older brother hated coyotes. The way they would yelp and howl, in the pitch black it sounded eerie, and when they showed up that night in the backyard it couldn’t have been more perfect. They were howling and moaning and yelping, and my brother and his buddy were banging on the back door to get us to let them in. they threatened… They screamed… They called us dirty names… They were scared shitless. And the two eleven-year-olds that they were trying to pull a school boy prank on were safely tucked away inside a warm house laughing their asses off. Mom came home around ten thirty or eleven, and they were still out there. She let them in, and I think they only thing that saved us from getting our butts kicked by my bro was that we would tell everybody that they knew who the real chicken shits were. I don’t know what made me think about that tonight… Maybe I’m just bored… Maybe I was just missing my bro tonight. (God rest his Soul.) maybe It's just because it's dark outside…

Reaching For The Brass Ring.

 

I don't always explain what I am thinking as clear as I would like, but here I go again, trying is still free. see the thing is, lately I have noticed that some of the most interesting things happen right after I wake up, and they usually happen at Walmart or some other such place where people of all walks of life seem to congregate. I have learned a lot by simply watching people, How they interact with strangers in public. And there are a lot of unhappy people around here. Wait a minute. Back up, let me pour myself a cup of morning brew and chew on this for a minute. Ok, that’s enough chewing. I have reached the conclusion that most people in the population at large wouldn’t know happiness if it walked up and bit them on the butt. Wait, let me tell you how I got there. Strictly for the sake of argument, let's leave the poor people out of this picture, for the moment at least, and concentrate on the other two types of people that I noticed. One Being, the people who seem to have everything and constantly find themselves wanting, craving and or demanding more. The other being, the people who have enough, but can never seem to have enough.

See, before anyone starts to think that I’m just spouting off, let me just say that I know, first hand, people in the very positions of which I speak. Let's take Joe Blow Jones. He has the perfect house, the fancy cars, the high paying job. Etc… Etc… Etc… so what’s his beef? Joe is so caught up in his material possessions that he’s forgotten how to just relax and enjoy life. His greed for more and more material wealth, has become all encompassing, and misery has become his life. He worries about losing what he has, so he is constantly looking for the bigger and better deal. And it doesn’t matter to Joe, who he has to step all over to get the brass ring that he believes so defines his life. Ok Now move down the food chain for a minute and right below Joe is John Blow Smith. Now, John doesn’t have quite as much as Joe does, but he still has much more than the average American who is busting their hump to scrape by every day. He has a nice house, He has a nice car and a beautiful wife but can’t seem to enjoy any of it. More. More. More. The common thread that will tie Joe and John together forever is their misery. They seem to have everything and yet have nothing. Both unknowing victims of the perception that the more you have, the more you need. Greed is good.

See now Let me get away from those guys. It could be contagious, and I don’t want to become infected. See? I never had much. I always worked hard enough to earn enough money to maybe not get Everything that I ever wanted, but I think that I have everything that I really need. Most importantly, a good perspective. Ok Joe. John. Lay off of your obsessions with material wealth for a minute and let me take you on a little trip, if you will. It won’t cost either of you a single penny, and it will only take a moment of your precious time. Close your eyes and listen to my voice. It's in the middle of July, you're baking in the summer heat, and when you open your eyes you're standing on the beach at Lake Tahoe, Nevada. And as you slowly approach the water you can almost taste its cold refreshing waves as they lap at your feet. Slowly now, wade in and let it consume you, until you are totally lost underwater. And when you finally resurface, you can feel the suns' warmth reflecting off of your skin.

Catch your breath… Ready? Close your eyes again. You hear that sound? Do you smell that? Damn. My favorite time of year. Fall. Leaves shedding from the trees. everything is golden brown. There are a bunch of kids piling up leaves on old man Nestor's front lawn, while he sits on the front porch watching them like a proud Grandpa. You can hear them all giggling and laughing, as they line up single file to take the plunge. You ever do that when you were a kid? Have You ever done Anything that didn’t involve money? Roast marshmallows or hotdogs over an open flame? Have you ever told ghost stories around a campfire and end up scaring yourself and everyone else silly? have you ever been camping or fishing in the woods and woke up in the morning in a sleeping bag covered in dew? I could go on with this forever, but I won’t, but see there is an old saying that I recall hearing as a child that stuck with me that says “one man's curse is another man's blessing” the world is full of blessings that don’t involve having that competitive edge that you think you need, it doesn’t involve material wealth or money, see, it isn’t difficult to be truly blessed in this life, all you need to do is to learn to look past what you perceive to be important, and embrace what truly is…

~Scratch~