Close Encounter of the Strange Kind

There was a strange sound outside my door this morning when I woke up it was kind of like a rustling noise.. so I got up and cautiously opened the door to see a strange looking cat staring up at me. Cute little thing - but strange. Kinda like one of them damned Pokemon thingy's.
Me: "Are you lost little dude?"
Cat: "meow."
Me: "Sooooo, do you live around here?"
Cat: "meow."
Me: "Soooo. Why were you trying to break into my apartment?"
Cat: "meow."
Me: "Cuz you know if you're just hungry or thirsty I can get you a piece of chicken or something."
Cat: "meow."
Me: "A saucer of milk perhaps?"
Cat: "meow."
Me: "Its 2 percent.. Easy on the waistline."
Cat: "MEEEEEOOOOOOOW!!"
Me: "Geez- You don't have to yell."
We settled for a piece of shredded chicken on a napkin with a saucer of milk on the side. tough negotiator that cat.. Dude, I'm not stupid- I swear . I just don't speak fluent kitty Cat. I need coffee.

I'm a PC and I'm obsolete

I have never been much of a fan of smart phones or texting, neither reading nor writing it, I may as well learn Klingon as learn the ins and outs of text messaging. That’s probably why I don’t now nor ever will own a so-called smart phone. I never had much use for them seeing as how I don’t see the need to be connected to the internet where ever I go 24/7. That’s what I find so attractive about my PC when I have to leave to go attend to the business of my everyday life, I know I have to push myself away from it and turn it off. Maybe I’m just getting old or perhaps simply old fashioned, but I prefer my human connections be done the old fashioned way, face to face or talking voice to voice over a standard telephone.

I did join Twitter a couple of three years ago, and brother what a hot mess that was at first, Twitter, the place where the English language goes to be butchered; 140 characters at a time. I still go there but most of the people that I follow don’t write like they would text, and I can read most of what my friends there write fairly easily, but there still are a few of those pesky Klingons that insist on squeezing every half a word that they can into that 140 characters. Nope, no cell phones, no texting for this guy, no pin sized keyboard that you need a number two pencil sharpened to the point of a light sabre to try to type with. I like having a 19 inch screen with a full sized keyboard to type with, I like having to full sized speakers to listen to. 

Am I old fashioned? Sure am, is my PC obsolete? Sure, as soon as I took it out of the box it was obsolete, technology moves too fast to keep what you buy today from being obsolete tomorrow. Every year Apple, Google, Samsung and the rest of their ilk come out with the next best thing, making everything that you currently own a relic of the past. The Way I see it- people are just going to keep buying and doing whatever makes them happy and that’s ok, just so long as I’m allowed to buy and do whatever makes me happy. Let everybody else chase after the next big thing, I’m perfectly content with my little PC, sitting on my desk in my little corner of the internet.  Now if you’ll excuse there’s a football game on and I really want to watch it now. On my big screen TV, and yes I know that’s probably obsolete too. 

Some people just don't want to work.

I really am beginning to think that I am quite clueless in regards to my understanding of how people think. Given the current state of the economy jobs anywhere are getting quite hard to come by, I personally was unemployed for a little over two years before I found the job that I currently have.  Trust me I was thankful to find it. Companies everywhere are feeling the pinch and in my little corner of the world Production Pattern Foundries are no different. Work in the past three weeks has slowed down to a crawl, where we were going guns-a-blazin, working six and seven days a week, suddenly, the orders for parts that we make are barely tricking in.

Last week they had to lay off 35 people from all departments, there simply wasn’t enough work to go around, so those of us they have been lucky enough to remain have been cleaning, shoveling sand and painting line on the floors to designate forklift areas. Everyone I talked to in our department have been speculating, “they’re going to lay the rest of us off next! You’ll see! It’s not going to get any better!” now, I’m more of a glass half full kind of person, but I listened patiently to people piss & moan about how they were worried that they were going to lose their jobs, how unemployment wouldn’t even cover half of their bills.  Well Friday rolled around again and nobody else got laid off.

The rumors persisted however, “they will probably get us all next week then!”  I must admit, gossipers and naysayers can really piss me off sometimes, but rather than waste my time trying to interject any kind of positivity into the conversation, I decided to go right to the source. I just asked two of the big bosses outright what was going on with the work slowdown, and they told me that it was nothing out of the ordinary that it always gets slow at this time of year for at least a month and then it picks up again,  so not to worry. And sure enough on Thursday morning they fired up the big main molding machine, the boss gave two of the naysayer’s an option, “it’s all the work we have right now so you can either work on the line taking off parts to be cut by the band saws or you can go home if you want.  It’s your choice.”

Both guys elected to go home rather than work on the line, WTF? They complain for three weeks about work slowing down, they fret and worry about getting laid off, and the first time that something encouraging happens and we get a few orders, they turn tail and run home. He only had to ask me once to work the line, in fact I was ready to volunteer if he hadn’t, we did 115 molds the first day and 130 the second day, no it wasn’t a lot compared to the 320 molds a day that we normally do but I thought it was encouraging.  I just don’t get it,  why do people walking around fretting all day and waiting for the other shoe to drop? Jump in where there IS work to be done and do your part, that at least shows management that you WANT to be there, and you WANT to work. If there is another lay off I have a hunch who is going to be next. And it won’t be me, not if I can help it any way. 

The Donut Apocalypse.

I stumbled out of bed this morning a little later than usual; having an unplanned vacation day off from work can do that to you sometimes.  I got up and showered and fell into my usual routine, made coffee, milled through the cupboards looking for something for breakfast, nope nothing, that’s when I decided to do the unthinkable, I walked to the local quickie mart to get donuts.. Yeah I know, that’s healthy isn’t it? Donuts for breakfast, what? Lots of people eat donuts for breakfast and they don’t worry about what kind of shape their in do they? After all; round is a shape. Isn’t it?  So I get about a half of a block from home when I begin to notice something rather peculiar, there were three- count em THREE figures lumbering along the sidewalk in front of me.

I immediately began to take notes of the three ominous figures; now about three quarters of a block ahead of me. They were of average size, shoulders were slumped a little, heads down, their feet appeared to be scuffling along, over all disheveled appearance,  not walking at all like normal people would. I quickened my pace to get a little closer as more clues began to develop. They were making grunting noises, but no legible language that I recognized was being used. That’s when it struck me, I was following three zombies! Three actual walking, grunting zombies!  At that point I began considering turning around and heading home to fetch my camera, but surely they would have gotten away.  I carefully maintained a safe distance of three quarters of a block; I didn’t want to get too close after all, being zombies they might attack even if I hadn’t provoked them.  

I tried to calm myself back down by thinking about my actual mission at hand, I was hungry and I wanted donuts.  Mmmmm..  Donuts, Donuts with powdered sugar all over them, donuts with glaze all over them, chocolate donuts, vanilla donuts,  low fat donuts, donuts with waaay too much sugar,  Kristy Kremes, Dunkin donuts, Hostess Donuts,  yeah, so I like donuts. But I had gotten so completely caught up in my donut quest that I had forgotten about the three zombies walking only a half a block ahead of me now. My fears of being eaten alive by zombies were soon dashed when we reached the stop light and I saw that they weren’t zombies at all, Silly me, they were just three teenagers texting on their cell phones on their way to school. But you could see why I got confused, texting teenagers do kinda look like drooling lumbering zombies don’t they? Now then, where was I? oh yeah, donuts.. 

I could win Gold!

I could be the finest ever in Olympic competition, I could bring home the gold every single time for the home team. And the best part is I could probably compete well into my 70’s. I can see it now, a low hush falls over the crowd, a crisp British accent crackles to life over the public address system, the competitor from China steps up to the table as they announce his name, “representing China, here’s Hoo Flung Dung.. and his opponent representing The United States of America that Scratch guy from Blogger!" A few scattered boo’s here and there, but hey I’m an American, over the years I‘ve gotten used to being ridiculed from time to time.

So there we are, me and Hoo, sitting across the table from each other, I  stare him square in the eyes, his jaw clenches, he bares his teeth with grit and determination, but as the first beads of perspiration roll down his forehead and into his eyes we both know; he doesn’t stand a chance.. I take him down with ease I beat him ten to one easy, he’ll be lucky to get the silver medal, that’s it cupcake! Game over, its podium time give me my god damn medal! But alas it’s only a fantasy, and as I return to the world of the here and now I slowly look down in front of me at my sanity’s only salvation, alas, it was only a dream, if only there really WERE an Olympic event for coffee drinking..

This old force just ain't what it used to be

I crashed a little later than usual, somewhere around 12:00 AM I think, not having to work today really helped in the decision to stay up. I slept well for the most part, and when I woke up this morning that’s when I noticed that something wasn’t right. I got up and went to the computer desk and sunk down in my tired old chair and just let my eyes become focused in the dim morning light- but somehow or another, I forgot to locate the TV remote before I became comfortable. It was sitting on the stand about 7 feet away, just a bit out of reach.

So I closed my eyes tightly, I concentrated on the TV remote, I pictured it rising into the air and floating into my hand, I focused all of my energy, all of my love, all of my hate, I almost gave myself a headache I was concentrating so much. I waved my hand back and forth several times- but when I re-opened my eyes to see the remote, the prick was just sitting there, silently mocking my Jedi mind powers. Prick. After all failed attempts- I turned my attention to the kitchen. I pictured in my mind- used coffee grounds gently floating through the air, the trash receptacle opened and the grounds went in and fell harmlessly to the bottom.

I turned my attention to the cupboard, I saw the door open, the fresh coffee filter floated through the air- followed by three scoops of fresh grounds. The water turned on, the pot itself precariously perched underneath the spout to eagerly accept the cool delicious bounty from the faucet. And upon reception, it floated back to the coffee maker and poured it in before returning to its original position. I saw the light come on, ahhh I was moments away from sweet, dark, delicious coffee. I slowly sat back in my chair anxiously awaiting the sweet aroma to begin licking at my nostrils. What? Nothing? Hmmmm. Anytime now- sweet delicious aroma. You may begin licking at my nostrils at will. Moments passed before I began to suspect that something may be amiss here.

Slowly I pulled myself from the chair and stumbled into the kitchen, and there it sat, unmoved, unchanged, still unplugged from the night before- the coffee maker was still sleeping. I opened the lid and the coffee grounds were still there from the last time. Cursing to myself, ever so softly- as to not awaken my neighbors so early in the morning, I decided to take it upon myself to make my own damn coffee. Which I did, I decided to carry myself back to the chair- which I did. I sat down, realized that I still didn’t have the remote, got back up, walked over to the stand, retrieved the remote, walked back to the chair, sat back down and turned on the television. I made my own coffee, had to get up and get the remote, and it seems very likely that I will have to make my own damn breakfast too. Unless I go out to get a breakfast burrito at Carl’s Jr. or something. Screw it, I'm done for the rest of the morning. Sometimes the force just ain’t what it’s cracked up to be.

Why do people talk to themselves?

Why do people talk to themselves? Well I can’t speak for anyone else; but I know why I do it. It’s usually a phenomenon that occurs right after I catch myself doing something stupid, dumb or embarrassing. Or truth be told, a combination of all three.

“Why did you do that? That was really dumb. People are staring at you now. Are you happy now you big dummy?”

And sure enough I’ll stop to look around and there are at least two or three people staring at me like I have something really slimy and disgusting trying to claw its way out of my forehead. I don’t, but I can just tell, they think I’m a loon.

Sometimes it isn’t as simple as doing something silly or embarrassing in public; sometimes I catch myself having an entire conversation with myself.

“Soooo, what are you making for dinner tonight?”

“Well Self- I thought that perhaps I would try the lemon pepper chicken recipe that I found on the internet last night, maybe some mac and cheese with brussel sprouts or broccoli on the side.”

“Really dude? Brussel sprouts? Broccoli? You know roughage makes you gassy. And chicken? Again? What’s that? Twice this week you had chicken already?”

The truth is whether or not they admit it, there are a lot of people that talk to themselves. For different reasons of course, reasons that may sound rational to you, but when someone catches you doing it, you just come off as a crazy person. You have to try to rationalize it, justify it somehow, some way, so somebody watching doesn’t call in the guys with the butterfly nets. There’s always the ol, “Oh don’t mind me, I was just thinking out loud.”

The best response is don’t even try to explain away, no answer you give is going to make you sound sane. They always react the same way.

“Sure, sure, well I’ll just leave you two alone now to work this out.”

“No really- don’t look at me like that, I’m not crazy.”

“Uh huh.. Suuuurrrre.”

“I just have some unresolved issues, stemming from a traumatized childhood.”

Oh thanks for sharing that, that explains soooo much.”

It’s hell living inside my head sometimes.